Once upon a time, many moons ago…
I was a synchronised swimmer. From the ages of around 9-17. I believe there’s still photographic proof lying around somewhere.
And by synchronised swimming, yes, I mean that legs upside down, underwater thingy with the nose plugs, make-up and sequins!
Back then, it was edgy. These days, pffft, it’s almost mainstream.
I mean, they even published an article about it on the ABC News website.
Anyway, I digress
My early years of synchronised swimming were full of glory. I was naturally good at it.
But several years later, I’d moved to a different club (to improve!), only to find myself not always coming first or second.
Sometimes {GULP} I’d come third. Or not even place (ahhhhh!).
It caused me a lot of anxiety, that I was suddenly “not good enough” to win trophies and ribbons. I was in a panic. What was I doing wrong?
My Mum would always tell me, It doesn’t matter where you place, as long as you’re doing your best.
But I don’t think I understood what “doing my best” was, when I wasn’t placing any more… How could that be my best?
Eventually I quit the synchro game, feeling defeated and not good enough. Which was a story I carried most of my life… until Kinesiology came along!
Most of us feel like we’re not good enough in some way
I cannot tell you the number of people who’ve told me they don’t feel like they’re good enough at something or other.
We might feel like we’re not a good enough partner, daughter/son, employee or friend. Or we might lament our lack of singing, dancing, gardening or other skills. Or we might wish we had the grades to study in a field other than the one we ended up in. Or we might be dissatisfied with our physical appearance!
At some point in our life, most of us have thoughts like this. Of course, this often stems from comparing ourselves with others. Right?!
Some of us even think we’re not good enough about the very profession we work in! Especially if it’s something we’re passionate about.
And that’s the thing. We can care so much that whatever we do, it never feels like enough.
And our fears around not being good enough? Can actually hold us back from ever trying to achieve our dreams. Or being satisfied when we DO achieve them.
And so we try our BEST!
All the while, feeling like our best isn’t good enough.
So we try harder, and harder and harder.
Because, what is our best? How do we know we’ve done it?
UNTIL… we find that we’re pushing ourselves so hard, we’re utterly exhausted.
Sick. Burned out.
Sound familiar?
Here’s an interesting piece of work I do with clients sometimes
I muscle test with the following statement: “My best is good enough”.
Sometimes the client’s body responds with a “Yes”; sometimes it’s “NO WAY”.
Then I test up: “My best is 100%”.
All too often, regardless of the first answer… the response to this question is NOOOOOOOO.
Or rather, the muscle test shows that the answer is “No”.
So we test to find out what % the client thinks is good enough…
“My best is 200%… 300%… 400%…”. And so on.
Sometimes it can be as high as 700% 3,000%
WHOAH!! I thought 700% was a lot, but since I wrote this piece I’ve had a client that initially presented with: “My best is 3,000%”! And then another that presented with 15,000%!! 🙂
Tell me, lovelies. Are you the sort of person who thinks they have to give and give and give and give and give and… Until you fall over in a heap?
And how’s that working out for you when you consider the Bigger Picture? Or do you perhaps, not even consider the Bigger Picture at all?
And by Bigger Picture, I mean your long-term health. Your vitality. Your zest for life. The likelihood that you’ll live a long, healthy and happy life!
Please tell me, how long do you think you can keep up trying to do your best when you think your best is 700% or 3,000%?
And what will be the cost to your health and happiness, long-term?
Confession: I was a 700%-er once, too
Yep, me too. Highly sensitive people are often extreme over-givers.
{ Which of course, ties back in to developing healthy boundaries. }
In fact, we want to help others so darn much we’d tap a vein if we thought that’d be useful.
For those who feel called to serve others, NOT giving in every possible way can cause stress.
But this is an imbalanced approach to life and work
Most of us very much need to learn how to receive.
AND take our foot off the pedal.
AND allow ourselves to regenerate, instead of constantly living on the edge of burnout.
Most importantly, we need to re-frame our thinking to be happy to do what we can, AND lead a balanced life that supports us.
Because our best IS good enough.
And our best can be 100%.
But how’s this: Our best can also be giving 40%, 50% or 60%, and keeping the rest of our energy for ourselves.
Whaaaaaat????
Even the idea of this can cause some of my clients to initially feel quite uncomfortable.
Like… What do you mean I could only give out 60% of my energy on any given day and that would be good enough????
Sometimes clients see this as unfair to others!
When this sort of reaction is expressed, we find the imbalance that’s getting in the way of being able to accept that our best is not just about giving out, but allowing ourselves to receive nourishment and relaxation.
And be okay with that! 🙂
Because what if you were an apple tree, and you decided you had to make enough apples for everyone in the world?
Would you even be able to? Would your boughs perhaps become too heavy and break off, trying to cope with the load of fruit you’ve produced? Would the apples start to lose their flavour because you were low on nourishment?
Is this fair to the apple tree? And how many times can it attempt such a feat? Not that many, yeah?
We think we’re invincible…til we find out we’re not
Most of us like to ignore the intensity, stress, pressure (etc) we put ourselves under until we burn out in some way.
And even then, we keep pushing and pushing.
All of this living in stress and pressure? It can’t last forever.
Our body will do its best to keep going but once we push the envelope too far… it’s a lot of hard work to recover.
You can end up with a chronic illness such as glandular fever, chronic fatigue, adrenal stress or exhaustion or even an autoimmune disorder.
Speaking as someone who’s recovered from a couple of those…
Chronic illness kind of quietly sneaks up on us.
We can feel “fine” right up til the point where illness knocks us on our ass.
It’s a well known fact that chronic illness can stem from ignoring symptoms of stress, pressure, trauma and emotional upset (among others) for long periods of time.
Quite literally, we can make ourselves sick by thinking our best isn’t good enough!
You can play it smarter though: by recognising your patterns and resolving them before things go too far.
And… even when we know better, we still have to watch it
Our entire culture is very go-go-go.
It’s easy to get caught up in the pace, even when you’ve learned all the lessons the hard way!
Which is why we need regular reminders, like this blog post. 🙂
And self-care rituals that we do on a daily and weekly basis.
So what does “Doing My Best” look like?
These days I see “Doing My Best” more holistically. It’s not just about short-term gains or goals.
It’s the whole experience of life.
Part of the trick of recovering from chronic illness is that it becomes vitally important to build self-care into every day. I kind of jokingly tell people it’s my job to take care of myself, but I’m actually dead serious about it.
I can’t possibly keep doing my work in the world as a Kinesiologist and Yoga Teacher if I fall over in a heap, too sick to work.
And so, I know I need to balance working to build my business with self-care. So I check in with myself regularly…
- Can I do fun things that are just for me, with no agenda other than enjoying myself?
- Can I be satisfied with meeting 80% of my goals in a given week?
- Can I revise down the number of goals I include in my weekly schedule?
- Can I stop working at a decent hour?
- Can I read a book instead of tip-tapping at the computer every night?
- Do I need to sit quietly right now? Meditate? Go for a walk outside?
Things like that.
Because if I don’t keep those checks and balances in play, there won’t be much work OR play going on.
Does any of the above sound like you?
Kinesiology is an incredibly powerful tool for resolving stress, trauma or any kind of emotional upset.
AND for helping you to re-balance and reconcile with the fact that your best really is good enough!
If you’re curious to try a session, please contact me for a free 15 minute chat to see if Kinesiology is right for you.
Much love,
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Ambha Amanda Roberts is a Kinesiologist, Intuitive Healer, educator and facilitator based on the Sunshine Coast, Australia. She offers Kinesiology sessions both in-person and via Skype/Zoom all over the world. Ambha Amanda is the co-creator of Adventures of Staria, which includes a series of Staria cards, and an upcoming book for children (including inner children). |
