Our first female friendship is usually with our mother
Possibly our sister(s) if we have them. Grandmothers and aunts, too.
These early female relationships act as a model for how we relate to ourselves, and with other women.
If the women close to us demonstrated grounded self-awareness, kindness and compassion for example, then these are the traits we learn easily.
If however they demonstrated self-loathing, conflict, passive-aggressiveness or codependency, then we grow up having absorbed these traits.
We associate what we learn with what it is to be a woman
Because we don’t know any differently.
This is one of the ways that ancestral wounds are passed down the generations, consciously or not.
What we learn in our early years impacts how we treat ourselves, and how we relate to others, too.
Something I’ve realised is that for many years, my female friendships were not that healthy.
They might’ve been built on codependency dynamics, trauma bonds, gossip, power imbalances and more.
This happens because we simply don’t know any better!
No one taught us (or our family members) how to have a good relationship with ourselves, and how to learn to recognise, name and meet our own needs.
As a result, female relationships can easily become unhealthy. For example, if we never learned about good boundaries then we tend to hang out with others who don’t have good boundaries, too.
It can get icky.
But we can learn how to do things differently
Female friendships can be empowering and supportive without over-stepping on each other’s needs.
They can feel warm, connected and respectful, without being emotionally draining or stressful.
How do you feel about your female friendships? Can you identify healthy vs unhealthy behaviours? What qualities create an empowering female friendship for you?
As always, it’s an inside job. We have to reflect on our own wounds, where we give our power away and how we try to manage life in those circumstances.
Much love,
